The Joy of Grief
- Micah N. Dillon
- Oct 26, 2020
- 5 min read
Happy Monday y’all!! I wanted to take a crack at a few more of your questions. So, today I want to talk about songwriting and grief and how it seems to work with me.
Within the last few years, I have seen a thread in my life where moments of inspiration have been bought on by moments of grief. One day in April, I had this whole song drop down into my spirit. My grandmother was declining quickly and I didn’t know how much time I would have left with her. The song is called Beaming at Me and it goes a little something like this:
Verse 1
God, help me to see
All I’m meant to be
You’re all I need
You’re all I need
Verse 2
God, help me to see
Who I’m meant to be
You’re all I need
You’re all I need
Chorus 1
No matter what I see
You’re always looking at me
God, help me to believe
What all I’m meant to be
No matter what I see
You’re always looking at me
Verse 1
God, help me to see
All I’m meant to be
You’re all I need
You’re all I need
Verse 2
God, help me to see
Who I’m meant to be
You’re all I need
You’re all I need
Chorus 2
Father, I hope to see
Your face beaming at me
And to hear You say
You were proud of my way
Father, I hope to see
Your face beaming at me
Bridge
Oh, Your face is a beaming at me
And I can’t wait to see
Oh, Your face is a beaming at me
With glee
And now I see You in me.
Bridge 2
Now I see, it’s You and me
Walking into eternity
Now I can see, it’s always been You and me
As we’re walking into eternity x2
Oh, now I can see Your face is looking back at me. As were walking into eternity
Chorus 2
Father, I hope to see
Your face beaming at me
And to hear You say
You were proud of my way
Father, I hope to see
Your face beaming at me
The part that speaks to me so much is the bridge.
Bridge
Oh, Your face is a beaming at me
And I can’t wait to see
Oh, Your face is a beaming at me
With glee
And now I see You in me.
Bridge 2
Now I see, it’s You and me
Walking into eternity
Now I can see, it’s always been You and me
As we’re walking into eternity x2
Oh, now I can see Your face is looking back at me. As were walking into eternity.
My grandmother passed away on May 1st into eternity. She was my closest grandparent. She was always loving, intentional, and supportive in any business efforts I was involved. She always sent birthday and holiday cards, loved sweets, was an amazing gift giver, and so many other things. She showed me what hospitality was all about and how to play any and all board and card games. My love for games came from my grandparents. They loved the beach too, which I do now as well.
While she was declining, a wave of grief crashed over me for two weeks. And, this time it stung worse because my loving husband wasn’t here to hold me. But yet, in the midst of all this, my Heavenly Father gave me a lyric to sing my way through the grief waves. That is how the song Beaming at Me came to be. I went outside that day to find a rainbow and to feel the sun shining down on my face, and I said, Jesus you didn’t have to, but You did it again. Your loving presence is shining down on me when I needed it. We got to have a moment 😭. This is the goodness of God.
Two days before my grandmother lifted off, four generations were standing by her side, singing over her The Blessing. I held her hand with tears in my eyes. This old song with these lines came back to me: I’m going to run through the troops and leap over the wall. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Now, there is no condemnation. Jesus is the rock of my salvation. And so, I told my grandma, leap over the wall of death, you can go, we will be ok. It was very hard. That was my last time seeing her. She lifted off at 5:00 am with my aunt holding her hand, which brings me to another original lyric:
A kiss on the hand
Takes her to another land
A touch from her Man
Helps her build a bridge over sinking sand
He wants to hold her hand
He never wants to leave
He wants to take her back,
Back to that promise land.
Where His mercy kiss is all she needs
He helps her to be free
She finally believes, He’s all she needs
That mercy kiss is blessed from Thee
This is a story of my grandmother being kissed by Jesus and experiencing His mercy kiss by just a touch of His hand, while she crossed over from this land into the promise land. It’s eternal. I know she is happy, running wild and free in the land of eternity. So, for me, grief and music are part of the threads of tension I hold in my hands and heart. I have heard it said that the tension is where the music is made. When I tap into what I like to call my grief levee with music in my hand and heart, it’s a way for me to leverage the pain in a good grief kind of relief.
Grief allows you to feel, and I have been contending to feel everything within me, to find out what is inside of me to purify my being, and to release the pains of yesterday to run toward the gains of tomorrow. I am gaining a heart that feels. This is amazing to me. This is transforming me. This is my destiny. I can finally see. I hope you can feel the warming presence on this topic as well. I hold it very close to my heart, for I have loved much, I’ve been loved sooo much, and I have lost. But, now I know that I don’t stand on the love of the ones whom I have lost. I have to stand on His love alone. His love remains. His love sustains. His love changed me. His love is remaking me. His love leads me. His love frees me. His love is all I need. I will see him one day in eternity, but until then, I will tell others of the love I have found. For, it’s not just for me to receive, it’s for all of us if we will just believe.
I could go on and on, but I will stop here. I want to give bit-size pieces of goodness. I don’t fear death anymore. I don’t fear life either. Life is worth living because we are still breathing. Today, we get to experience all that life can bring. The joys and the pains are all a part of the human experience in between, and I want to experience it all. For, the more we feel, the more we heal. The more we heal, the more we have to give away to others. The more we give away, the more they have to give away, and the sharing and caring is multiplied. Jesus loves to multiply the little we feel we have in our hand and make it into a real big thing. He is the Divine Creator. So, give Him your being, and He will create more out of your being than you ever could have believed. It’s your destiny to believe you are made for more.
YOU MATTER.
YOU WERE MADE FOR MORE.
YOUR VOICE MATTERS.
YOUR LANGUAGE MATTERS.
YOUR LIFE MATTERS.
RIGHT NOW MATTERS.
LET’S START ON THIS MONDAY! You’re going to have a great day. Hip hip hurray!! I want to speak that over you today. And finally, always bring your cheer and smile from ear to ear. He is worth your cheer and those around you need it too. Amen and amen.
Comments